![]() Natural enemies: Anyone working with an actual personal trainer everyone wearing earbuds. Not that you were wondering, of course.ĭistinctive markings: Neither particularly fit nor sweaty does not wear a name tag or health club-branded moisture-wicking shirt come to think of it, lacks all outward indicators of physical competence and credibility. Signature behavior: Noticing that your knee is bending beyond your toes, your elbows are dipping below 90 degrees and - basically, you're doing everything all wrong. Although the Camper's unawareness seems to indicate a parental failure to teach rudimentary sandbox sharing and/or a cognitive delusion that a public fitness facility is actually one's garage gym, recent scientific research indicates that Campers might simply possess a regressive optic gene that blinds them to other gym-goers and signs reading 30-MINUTE LIMIT. Or move, for that matter - not until his or her own private workout is done, no matter how (a) much you're paying for your stupid membership (b) pressed for time you are, given that you're on your lunch break (c) forcefully you place your hands on your hips and shoot him a thoroughly annoyed look. She presses pause on the elliptical machine - not to stop, but to switch from a 45-minute hill climb to 30 minutes of interval training. The Camper pumps out a set of cable flys. The towels are a combination of Sir Edmund Hillary preparing to scale Everest and a dog marking its neighborhood territory: I'm here. Towels hanging from each side of the treadmill. No, their base-camp-establishing tool of choice is the humble white towel. Give Campers credit: They don't actually bring temporary frames, plastic tarp and portable propane stoves into the exercise area. Mating call: A long, mournful, exasperated sigh containing the passive-aggressive fury of 1,000 suns, delivered like skunk spray in response to outside aggression such as "How many sets do you have left?" and "Mind if I work in?" Natural enemies: Everyone else who also would like to use the squat rack before his or her two-year gym membership expires. Signature behavior: Appearing to be finished with his or her turn at a piece of exercise equipment when, in fact, he/she has approximately 47 sets and/or descending hills remaining.ĭistinctive markings: A vacant, murderously intense or just plain oblivious 1,000-yard stare into the vast, imponderable middle distance that lies somewhere between you and the water fountain earbuds. And yet, every January, millions of unsuspecting Americans follow LaLanne's example and join health clubs - without so much as a warning about the annoying, archetypal individuals who lurk within.Īs a public service - and in honor of LaLanne, who once swam from Alcatraz Island to Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco while handcuffed, shackled and towing a boat, and did so without hogging the treadmill - presents a field guide to eight of the most irritating types of gym-goers. No football coach would send players onto a field without a scouting report. No right-thinking general would send troops into battle without a map. Because at the gym, as in life, hell is - thanks, Sartre! - other people. All it takes is hard work, the eye of the tiger, an unflagging commitment to becoming harder, better, faster and stronger, and an inner reservoir of interpersonal patience and tolerance to shame Gandhi. Maybe even make you look good shirtless and/or in a bikini. Here's the thing about going to the gym: it can improve your physical health. ![]() Oh, and also the guy over at the squat rack, grunting at a decibel level somewhere between train whistle and snowmobile. ![]() ![]() Such is the world that the departed Jack LaLanne made: protein bars and acai berry shakes, cardio kickboxing and P90X, shake weights and Bowflex machines and gyms teeming with America's sweaty, straining masses, yearning to be fit. Editor's note: With the passing of fitness pioneer Jack LaLanne on Sunday, revises our user's guide to the gym in order to salute LaLanne.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |